SPOILER ALERT: The whole plot
Trigger warning: 100% hot take

Wonder Woman is a mildly entertaining hollywood action film. But if this is what passes for feminist film-making, excuse me while I go puke in my mouth.

Almost every moment Wonder Woman is on screen she is sexualized. The first time she appears as an adult, after we’ve learned she’s been training to fight her whole life, and you see her awesome combat skills as an adult, she’s decked out in heavy lip gloss and perfect hair and a super breast heavy outfit and her skin is silky smooth. How would someone who’s fought her who life have not gotten a few scars? How would someone who fights that much be so thin and have so few visible muscles?

But don’t worry, in case you missed the message, you have the rest of the film to see every single male character comment on how hot she is and how turned on they are by her.

Oh and in case you’re wondering, no the movie is not at all from Wonder Woman’s point of view — it’s basically Chris Pine’s movie (which credit to Chris Pine — he’s very good). Wonder Woman is basically a girl child throughout, portrayed as a sort of hot primitive idiot. The male characters spend a good deal of energy laughing at her naïveté and enjoying her ditzy antics when she’s not in superhero kick butt mode. Cause of course she’s basically helpless to navigate the early 20th century world without a good man to show her the way.

Oh in case you were wondering about how intersectional it is… yeah it’s not. Cause of course they throw in a hyper stereotypical Native American character who’s literally called Chief, who appears to have zero back story whatsoever other than “he’s a native american”. Yea it’s racist as fuck.

The best part of the movie is the middle part where it’s less action movie and more ensemble war movie, and there start to be some interesting themes and character threads about violence, the nature of mankind, choice, and morality. But don’t worry all that comes to a screeching halt when suddenly in the last 30 minutes it becomes Batman v Superman but with a lady, and every theme thats been playing out in the story is surfaced and shoved down your throat with the most simplistic dialogue ever to make sure you didn’t miss the moral of the story. You can kind almost see the moment when a Warner executive was like “alright thanks Patty we’ll take it from here”. And so we end on the extra unconventional message of “love is the reason!” — love here referring to wonder woman’s first chance at hetero romance over the course of two weeks with Chris Pine before he dies… yep.

Anyway, all that is to say, it’s not a terrible movie… but seriously I feel like it was a lukewarm episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer with an insanely large budget. I feel like in a few years some of the silly parts will just look silly, and we’ll all be surprised we took this seriously.

BTW, in a few months we have to see this character hang out with the rest of the shitty DC universe in the next Zack Snyder 200 million dollar turd. Oh Robin Wright was great and bad ass till she died 15 minutes in. They shoulda just given the movie to her and had her go undercover to destroy the human race as Claire Underwood. That’s all I got — I’ll leave it to some more experienced feminist film critic to dress this reaction up in more serious concepts about subjectivity and the male gaze.